I can’t do it!

I can’t do it!

I can’t do it!

My anxiety is too bad. The adrenaline is surging, my heart pounding. Fear and panic have arrived.
The only relief comes from cancelling, staying in, hiding? In these moments, I believe I would do anything to make these feelings go away. It wins again I’m sat home alone, mentally berating myself and adding fuel to the vicious cycle I am in.
My solution, cancelling only leads to incredible guilt, self-deprecation and further loneliness. I know that these feelings feed the anxiety but when my head says I can’t do it. I really can’t do it.
Anxiety is a monster part of me. I was born with it. Other people can heal or learn to cope but I cannot. I am trapped.
One day though something happened that meant just once that I did act when I felt that way. It set me on a journey of discovery about the monster in me and the monster in other people. Challenged everything I believed in and set in motion changes that I never ever believed possible except maybe in fictional characters and worlds.
What would that mean for my beliefs? How would my life change?